We’re less than a week away from the launch of Will Wright’s long awaited Spore. And this it the real, honest-to-goodness release date. Hell, we’ve got undeniable proof on our hands – it’s been said Spore would go gold when hell froze over, and the temperature in Edmonton is dropping faster than a Ghostbusters pre-order.

So, now that it is actually going to come out many gamers, myself included, are planning to spend the next few weeks glued to their desk chairs. One thing the Wright does right, the man does know how to tap into the innate desire to create. Create your own city. Create your own people. And now, create your own – everything.

The Spore Creature Creator, little more than a demo for the game, is entertaining enough in it’s own right. I’ve put many hours into playing around with things, tweaking and touching up. And even then, what I’ve come up with pales in comparison to some of the creations being let loose out into the world.

Hopefully, all the time spent in front of the warm, radioactive glow of our monitors won’t wreak havoc on our own DNA. It may force the petal to the floor as we travel along the evolution highway.

Why we might end up looking like this: GWD’s new mascot, the next step in gamer evolution – the Great White Abomination. (Gamus Electronica)

A few things to note about the gamer of the future.

- Notice the enlarged buttock area. Not muscle, but fit with two fluid-filled sacs – to provide comfort on the hardest of LAN-party stools. Perfect for a creature that spends moss of its time seated.

-Although, not at conventional chairs. That would be difficult, since the Gamus Electronica has not two, not three, not six, but four legs. This was one of the first of the changes observed in this new species – the second set of legs began appearing during the Dance Dance Revolution craze of the 1990’s. The high scores

 made possible by the third and fourth leg translated into increased mating chances, and the trait was passed on to offspring. Now, the leg provides extra stability when using the Wii Balance Board.

-Also reproduced is a second set of arms and hands to go along with them. The need for this is obvious - more fingers can press more buttons, and more tasks can be done at once. The top hands are smaller and

 more precise, better suited for tasks like typing and installing new video cards. The lower set of hands has evolved to accommodate a series of larger and larger console controllers. Also, the thumbs are actually calloused at birth, eliminating that painful rite that separates the casual gamer from the hardcore.

-The mouth in the abdomen is allows the Gamus Electronica to feed itself without an interruption in voice chat. As a consequence, the species killcounts are higher, the headshots more amazing, and its X-Box Live friends are 76% less likely to be grossed out by your masticating.

-The double eyestalks are basically dual-monitor support for the brain. Also, advanced tear ducts lubricate the eyes, preventing “blooshotness.” In earlier evolutionary stages, fatally bloodshot eyes will be the second biggest killer of the Gamus Electronica, right behind RROD-induced murder-suicide.

- The creature’s bright yellow spots allow it to blend easily into its natural habitat – among the clearance stickers at the local EB Games (of the Future).

-The neck fur serves no gaming purpose. It is simply very unpleasant to have a cold neck.